I was on the phone with at&t for work the other day
And the customer service rep, a woman with a Southern accent said “Los Angeles? I’ve been to Los Angeles. It’s wonderful, people are free. Here in South Carolina, people are in bondage” and i didn’t know what to say after that.
Since moving to L.A. I haven’t met any performance studies scholars.
Once upon a time in New York, I was on a rooftop in Brooklyn and some gay dude from the NYU Performance studies department was talking about how trans women and their allies just need to “understand where rad fems are coming from” and then told me that “lesbian politics are all necessarily nostalgic” when I called him out.
Since moving to L.A. I have not met one person who writes for n+1.
Once upon a time in New York, a male n+1 writer was in my apartment telling me about how he felt like more books should be written about the “happy adolescent experience,” I got so grossed out and angry I had to leave to go rage dance at Tandem.
Seriously, leave New York if you can. Your life will improve. Then you’ll be left to reckon with all the demons inside you that have nothing to do with New York. So maybe, stay in New York. I don’t know. How do demons find their shape and size? Do they relish distraction or do they thrive in its absence? Do they want sunshine and general pleasantness? Do you? Do you want to be comfortably partnered in a cute apartment a quick walk away from your kind, loving parents? Will you miss your people - the people who have known and loved you at your “too much” at your “crazy bitch,” will all company pale in comparison to their company? Duh, of course it will. That’s not a question. But still, your life can get so good. So, so good. Your new job is the kind with fancy free snacks and good health care. At the end of the day you drink wine in your boss’s office.
In New York, I was always on the brink of some kind of disaster. Now I’m not and I can’t help but sit around and panic about how I’m inevitably going to ruin everything.
Taylor Swift’s “Begin Again” but about your professional life.
I made some art
Driving is terrible
1. The idea of dying, or of the person riding next to you dying, is terrible.
2. Usually what I do when I get too worried about people dying is drink.
3. You can’t drink when you drive.
4. Driving is terrible.
"Scarecrone" by Melissa Broder
Erin and I are going through a difficult patch in our relationship because she’s somehow managed to avoid hearing “Rude” and I’m totally happy for her and everything but as for me I’ve had “Rude” stuck in my head for three days now and it’s just really, really hard and I hate suffering alone so I keep the video open in a tab knowing I shouldn’t play it for her but wanting to so badly, it can be really hard to put someone’s needs before your own sometimes.